How can I change my Thought Life?- A new perspective

Thought Life-What is it?

On any given day, at any given time our brain is engaged in the process of thinking. Sometimes these thoughts are helpful, sometimes they are not. While we can usually understand those thoughts that are on a conscious level, the thoughts that are under the surface or within the subconscious are usually out of reach, but sometimes surprise us when they pop up to the surface level. Learning to look at our thoughts with a new perspective helps us analyze and adopt those thoughts that are helpful and explore the reasons we engage in thoughts that are not. Learning to discover the roots of unhelpful thoughts can give us the ability to correct them and change these thought patterns. Recognizing where these thoughts originate from, gives us an understanding of why we think this way.

Early in life, these thought patterns are set up by our personal experiences and interactions with others. The way others react to and communicate with us begins to form the way we see ourselves and the world around us. For example, the thinking patterns of someone who is brought up in a stable loving environment may differ from someone growing up in an unstable or unloving environment. The differing experience creates expectations of what life will be for us, It establishes the belief system of whether to expect too much or too little. To expect bad or good things to come our way, to see the glass half empty or half full.

Taking away the power of the past

The past has the ability to shape our expectations and set up our core inner beliefs. Growing up we are inundated with who other people say we are and who we are not. From an early age, peers, those in authority over us continually shape the way we see ourselves. The off-handed comments line up with our experiences and confirm to us our core beliefs of who we are.

Core beliefs are often under the surface and can form the very essence of who we believe we are. For example, Someone who is continually told by others at an early age that they are stupid or only average begins to set their dreams and aspirations at a lower level, even though they have a much higher potential. This, in turn, causes them to accept that they cannot achieve more. When this person discovers that their core beliefs about themselves are actually false and were imposed by others and that they have the potential to be more, a whole new world opens up. Therapy helps to recognize these false core beliefs and begin the process of dismantling them and building new ones.

Examining Core Beliefs

We all have core beliefs, some are easy to recognise, things like faith, morals and values. A lot of these core beliefs are formed when we are very young and are a product of our upbringing, family values and cultural norms. They vary from person to person depending where and into what culture they were born. Then there are core beliefs which are harder to recognise, these are the things we think usually about who we are, Learning to examine our core beliefs helps us to sort the truth from the lie. The process of examination is observation, assessment and elimination. firstly we observe what we believe about who we are, questioning why we think that way, where we learned to think that way, discerning the truth and eliminating the lies. Core beliefs are not always negative, sometimes we think more of ourselves than we should. These core beliefs set us up to believe we can never fail, are never to blame and deserve and expect more from life and those around us. The purpose of examining core beliefs is to understand that we have a choice in who we want to be. We can work at eliminating the core beliefs that restrict us from our full potential to be truly ourselves.

Changing the Lie for the Truth

After we have recognised core beliefs that are false and decide that we no longer want to embrace those lies, we have to decide what our truth in the situation is, and where we want to set our aspirations.

For example:

The lie is “your stupid”.

The truth is that you have a mind that can learn.

The aspiration is to become smarter.

So the next time someone else, the voice in your head, or past failures tell you that “your stupid”. You have a choice, you can agree, accept and solidify the feelings of being unintelligent, or you can reject those thoughts or comments and replace them with “I’m learning” or That’s not true, I’m smarter than you say I am and have greater potential than that.

The challenge will be to reject the old and embrace the new. It is difficult to change the inner conversation about yourself and start a new dialogue but it is possible. It takes practice and determination.

Practice

Excelling at something does not just happen, there is a lot of learning, a lot of developing skills and it’s the same with our thought life. Those core beliefs didn’t just pop up overnight, they had years to develop, to simmer away in the background. Taking every opportunity to confirm to you that they were right and that what they whispered to you was in fact “truth”. It’s reasonable to expect undoing that will take time and some effort. The key to success here is to be kind to yourself and give yourself room to make mistakes. Therapy can help you to uncover and address your core beliefs.

Observation

Take notice of the way you think about yourself, and be aware of the internal conversation you are having. If you can’t address it straight away note it down so you can look at it later. Or simply keep count of each time you think negatively about yourself.

Assessment

Are the things you are saying/thinking about yourself true?

Why are you saying/thinking them?

If they are true, what are some solutions?

Where did this way of thinking come from?

Elimination

To eliminate patterns of thinking that are negative and cheat us of our full potential we need to replace them with real truth. Now I am not talking about positive thinking or unrealistic imagery but speaking to our potential and understanding that we have a choice to look at ourselves in a more respectful and gracious manner. We need to become our own cheer squad, helping to encourage ourselves to see that we are a work in progress and that we are more capable than we think.

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